The best piece of advice for this or any situation

Unemployed. Career-seeker. Employment readjustment scouting specialist. No matter what you want to call yourself, there’s no denying one simple truth: you probably aren’t where you want to be. I bet you’d rather be doing what you’re good at instead of spending time figuring out how you’re going to pay the next baker’s dozen of bills. I bet you’d rather feel the fulfillment of earning a paycheck instead of feeling the frustration of not hearing back from prospective employers. And I bet you’d rather be planning the next departmental happy hour instead of reading silly, quasi-inspirational blog posts like this one.


You might be feeling down. Maybe a tad depressed (which, in clinical terms, is the state of depression that follows ‘a smidgen depressed’). Maybe frustrated. Maybe angry at yourself. But here is where I’d like to share with you the single best piece of advice I ever got. Ready? Here it is:


When in doubt, go for the shins and then nail your attacker in the nose before…oh wait, no, sorry, wrong topic.


Seriously, this is it: be kind to yourself.


During my grad school orientation (i.e., the last time I felt like I had any genuine business going to grad school), one of the senior grad students was talking to us newbies about the horrors we could expect throughout our graduate career. And although he failed to mention the horror that was that one roommate (i.e., the one who cooked things and then forgot she’d left them on the stove for six weeks), he did pass on that one piece of incredible advice.


Be kind to yourself.


It was his way of saying that, no matter how stressful things were going to get in grad school, and no matter how much strain we were going to be putting ourselves through (not to mention all the strain our sadistic professors and conniving students would donate), we had to be kind to ourselves. That when things got really hairy and difficult, we had to find a way to be nice to ourselves so that we’d have the will to keep going.


I think that’s the single best piece of advice I ever got, and one that applies to situations far removed from grad school. Because I do think it’s so easy to get down on ourselves in our fast-paced, instant-gratification, no-time-for-common-sense society. Easier still when you’re out of the active workforce and trying to figure out how to get back in it.


In our case, it’s more important than ever to be kind to ourselves. Yes, after months of career-seeking and dead-end job leads, the temptation is to feel down on yourself. After all, other people are getting jobs, right? So there must be something inherently wrong with you, right? Wrong.


Be kind to yourself.


Don’t subscribe to any theory that says your current predicament is your fault. Don’t believe for a second that you are less of a person because you’re not suffering through rush hour traffic like your employed friends and family. Don’t devalue your qualifications, your integrity, your work ethic, or your genuine desire to earn your keep. Don’t disrespect yourself for even one second. Just remember that, if circumstances (i.e., what we laughingly refer to as the economy) were better, you’d be putting your skills to work, and they would be well appreciated.


But being kind to yourself goes beyond this. It means treating yourself well, spiritually and practically. If you think you need a nap after five hours of social networking, take it, because it’s your body’s way of saying, “Dude, c’mon, 20 minutes! That’s all I’m asking! Please! All right, fine. But see if that new cover letter you’re working on is actually coherent.” If you think you need to take a break and go get some fresh air, take it, because it’s your body’s way of saying, “Dude, c’mon, I need fresh air, cos you haven’t even cleaned in 12 days and it’s really starting to smell in here!”


Maybe most importantly, if you’ve been working for hours every day trying to find a job, take time to treat yourself to something you enjoy. Maybe a nice take-out dinner, a Dolly’s pizza with everything on it, or whatever it is that usually makes you say, “Oh no, I shouldn’t.” Sure, maybe it sounds counterproductive to say “treat yourself to something” when you’re trying to figure out how to pay your next gas bill. But spending $10 on yourself once a week is more realistic than, say, expecting your body and mind to keep going and going and going, week after week, without reward or kindness. Whether employed or not, you still need to take time to enjoy the simple pleasures you prefer.

Take time today to figure out how to be kind to yourself, and stick to it. Just because the economy is being a little unkind to you doesn’t mean you should be unkind to yourself.